How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
