are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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