Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
