I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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