I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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