were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
