I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
