I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize