all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
