Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
