dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
