Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
