Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
