I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
