My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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