I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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