They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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