The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
