Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
