What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
