38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
