i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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