she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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