I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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