we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
