Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
