we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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