My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
