there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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