based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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