i don't like sucking hair
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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