How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
