I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
