If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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