Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
