I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
