no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
