community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
