you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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