Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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