i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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