We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
