My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
