It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
