I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
