You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
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