i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
