And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize