Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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