Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
