dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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