These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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