i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
