grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
