Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
