if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
