Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
