New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
