Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
