And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
