apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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