the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
