do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
