dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
