sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
