Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
