If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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