don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
