whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
