I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
