She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
