i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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