We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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